Dating Game and My Impulsiveness

I have been traveling a lot for the last 8 years that I really don't know what's gay/bi dating or a love life is all about (char) and so I tried to join the furry of gay/bi dating and more.

It was July of 2014, I think I saw his account in one of the many gays dating site (not to name the site baka sisikat pa ha ha ha ).  First impression was hmm the guy was very courteous because he thanked me for viewing his profile. Then I chatted him to the extent that we exchanged numbers and then to whatsapp chatting.  I know  I always look for physical attributes thus I find the guy cute enough that I am excited to meet him personally. And so I asked him for a date (as in ask talaga madatung si ateng hahaha). 

Lo and behold, I found out that we were in the same region caraga - he's from CBR (Cabadbaran) and I am from Surigao, it was a plus factor actually because the level of comfortability and relatability is easy.

So our first date turns out to be good and I really liked him that being gay my mentality was that I can bed with him. In fact, we even chat lots of M to M things position and all. He even confided to me his first M to M experience as a Bisexual Man. It was an endless chat sessions of getting to know him better. We had several movie dates and all. But oh boy as the time goes by of knowing him - it was more than sex that was built up on my entire system. It was more of something that maybe we can be partner and spent our lives together (iring agad agad). But I  had lots of lapses actually like  I always accused him of something that I don't even have evidence, things like that but still he was courteous enough to chat with me. Even when I was on vacation in the Philippines we had lots of chats that indeed I really fall for the guy even if I knew him that he fathered a one beautiful daughter but he is not married (of course).

Then coming back here in Dubai was just the same of endless chatting and all. Until such time that I really don't know or maybe I am this type of checking his background because for me chatting is not enough I should check him maybe he has a skeleton or a deep secret or something. So First I found out that he has two accounts in that gay dating site - and I confronted him with all the accusations, he answered me honestly. Second, when I saw his Instagram and try to check what's on it and even ask to follow him but he insisted not to because he is preserving his privacy or a self preservation of his image I believe.  And so I did not insist.

 And Because I am not really sure of him I stop for once or for a week chatting with him but my feeling is so stubborn that I still continue chatting with him and sharing information and all. Again because my emotion is not so stable even until now , my impulses again hits up that I really waged a war with him. Throwing  insults and hurtful words etc etc. It was the last straw that I thought he will never ever chat me back but then again his being courteous enough to reply and it makes me realized that this guy really is a good and kind hearted. Infact, I really can relate with him in lots of things from Movies - Romantic ones, Music - The Script to Soap Operas (of course Game of Thrones) and even books we loved John Green so much! and to any topic concerning Gay Marriage etc etc-we may differ on some points but we always respect each opinion.

The chatting begun to slow a little bit and then I went to the states. But even I was in the states we always chat but not that much. Until when I came back here in Dubai that I chatted him again but it seems that it was cold and I still think that I have the place in his heart until I found out just recently that he is in a relationship with a guy he dated back in October. Then suddenly my heart sunk. Although I should have known the sign but I did not.

Anyhow, we already talked on the phone and sighting a lot of things my impulses and all the insults I've thrown at him. It was really heart rending / warming that I just cried - but I always believe that a great friendship would definitely be in the offing because he is indeed worth to keep:-)