Selfish Me

Selfish - Liar. Egocentric. Hypocrite. Greedy. Useless. Worthless. Sociopath.

It is also means in adjective - (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

Categorically, I really don't know if I am a selfish prick . But maybe I am because I always look for what is best on me. I don't know why I am so late realizing these things when I am now into my 30's but still it is never too late to change or show some unselfishness to people.

Anyhow, Below are some little tips I got from wiki how on  how to be unselfish or practice a little more of this and a more less of selfishness:

·         Changing who you are will take time, but recognizing that you have a problem with your behavior is a big step.

·         Hug others that need it. Don't hold back tears or emotions because of your ego.

·         Learn to stop judging others and instead try learning to understand them.

·         Encourage people because everyone needs encouragement.

·         Don't hate yourself because you think you can't change. You'll get there.

·         Don't expect to become a saint overnight.

·         Use less words like "me" or "I".

·         If there is only one cookie left at a party and somebody else wants it, let them have it or offer to split it with them.

·         Don't rub your good deeds in other people's faces. The point of volunteering and being considerate is doing the     right thing, not getting glory.

·         Don't be sharp with people just because you are stressed.

The Beauty of Moving On

Honestly,  In all my life  I have not been into serious relationships. Its
all pure fun and carnal to me. But recently, I did try dating just to see if I can be of prospect or a catch to anyone ha ha ha.

Well, to cut the story short, I went dating for six months with a younger guy, a 10 year gap of my age. During that six months, I thought I can get him right away because he is young and fresh and of course aggressive (for sure you know what I am talking of). Then later, it was a different kind of emotion.  A bit deeper, sincere and fluid.

Well in all honesty,  yeah I fall for him. I loved him but the thing is I am not emotionally matured. I am a bit of both being  impulsive and drama queen. That is something that I need to work out if I want to have a long lasting relationship with someone. So in short, this guy is in a relationship now . What is sad here is I found it myself but yeah the guy- it is not his job to notify me that he has a boyfriend or something because reality we are just dating. He can even meet and date ten folds of guys. That's the thing.

So what I am trying to tell here is that, Don't be so dramatic just moved on. But in my case although I have lots of lapses, I was really into him thinking I still have the chance. And now the picture is clear enough to me now, it was just pure dating and getting to know each other and it did not work, period.

So the beauty of moving on is that, you value yourself now more than anything else because you get it already and its sinks in now in to your brain and in to your heart. Meaning you embrace now the reality, so what you just have to do is to wish them great, good luck and happiness. There are still billions of billions of billions of people in this world and the probability is that you can have the chance to get someone much better and much you deserved. Life doesn't stop there it's just give you a break to think and assess yourself and then go find someone again but with lessons to learn.

How to overcome Impulsiveness

To start this article, I need to know or research the meaning of being Impulsive,  Impulsiveness or  Impulsivity, etc.

Well, according to American Dictionary of the English Language, Webster; it is an emotion that  is "a moving of the mind or soul; hence, any agitation of mind or excitement of sensibility". Another definition is an emotion in which it is "a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling…typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body" . And according to urban dictionary - Prone to acting without thought; spontaneous.

So in other words, It is our feelings that rise up, move out and we want to follow them and do whatever they say. And That is my problem now of being impulsive . Anyway,  According to an article online, Here are some tips on how to overcome that impulsiveness: 

• Walk away from something you want to buy on impulse. It will still be waiting for you later, after you’ve had time to think over the purchase.

• Take a deep breath or talk with a thoughtful friend before impulsively yelling at someone out of anger.

• Practice calming strategies, such as muscle relaxation, yoga and cardiovascular exercise such as jogging.

• Write a list of pros and cons of a tough decision before acting.

• Make a mental outline of what you want to say before saying it.

• Do some research on a purchase, decision or a proposal before you act on it.

• Be mindful.

• Engage in calming activities.

• You can stop impulsivity from controlling your actions and your life.

But in a more deeper sense, I believe that surrendering yourself to God and Be aware of your actions that you will never ever hurt some ones feelings or emotions is another essential thing to do or in short Self-Control. Thus I quote Joyce Meyer article " God always has your best interest at heart. That's why He wants to change you more than He does your circumstances. Then, when those inevitable emotions rise up, you can make choices on purpose, not impulsively. Choose to go deeper with Him so you can live beyond your emotions and enjoy the freedom it brings in your life - Amen"!

Dating Game and My Impulsiveness

I have been traveling a lot for the last 8 years that I really don't know what's gay/bi dating or a love life is all about (char) and so I tried to join the furry of gay/bi dating and more.

It was July of 2014, I think I saw his account in one of the many gays dating site (not to name the site baka sisikat pa ha ha ha ).  First impression was hmm the guy was very courteous because he thanked me for viewing his profile. Then I chatted him to the extent that we exchanged numbers and then to whatsapp chatting.  I know  I always look for physical attributes thus I find the guy cute enough that I am excited to meet him personally. And so I asked him for a date (as in ask talaga madatung si ateng hahaha). 

Lo and behold, I found out that we were in the same region caraga - he's from CBR (Cabadbaran) and I am from Surigao, it was a plus factor actually because the level of comfortability and relatability is easy.

So our first date turns out to be good and I really liked him that being gay my mentality was that I can bed with him. In fact, we even chat lots of M to M things position and all. He even confided to me his first M to M experience as a Bisexual Man. It was an endless chat sessions of getting to know him better. We had several movie dates and all. But oh boy as the time goes by of knowing him - it was more than sex that was built up on my entire system. It was more of something that maybe we can be partner and spent our lives together (iring agad agad). But I  had lots of lapses actually like  I always accused him of something that I don't even have evidence, things like that but still he was courteous enough to chat with me. Even when I was on vacation in the Philippines we had lots of chats that indeed I really fall for the guy even if I knew him that he fathered a one beautiful daughter but he is not married (of course).

Then coming back here in Dubai was just the same of endless chatting and all. Until such time that I really don't know or maybe I am this type of checking his background because for me chatting is not enough I should check him maybe he has a skeleton or a deep secret or something. So First I found out that he has two accounts in that gay dating site - and I confronted him with all the accusations, he answered me honestly. Second, when I saw his Instagram and try to check what's on it and even ask to follow him but he insisted not to because he is preserving his privacy or a self preservation of his image I believe.  And so I did not insist.

 And Because I am not really sure of him I stop for once or for a week chatting with him but my feeling is so stubborn that I still continue chatting with him and sharing information and all. Again because my emotion is not so stable even until now , my impulses again hits up that I really waged a war with him. Throwing  insults and hurtful words etc etc. It was the last straw that I thought he will never ever chat me back but then again his being courteous enough to reply and it makes me realized that this guy really is a good and kind hearted. Infact, I really can relate with him in lots of things from Movies - Romantic ones, Music - The Script to Soap Operas (of course Game of Thrones) and even books we loved John Green so much! and to any topic concerning Gay Marriage etc etc-we may differ on some points but we always respect each opinion.

The chatting begun to slow a little bit and then I went to the states. But even I was in the states we always chat but not that much. Until when I came back here in Dubai that I chatted him again but it seems that it was cold and I still think that I have the place in his heart until I found out just recently that he is in a relationship with a guy he dated back in October. Then suddenly my heart sunk. Although I should have known the sign but I did not.

Anyhow, we already talked on the phone and sighting a lot of things my impulses and all the insults I've thrown at him. It was really heart rending / warming that I just cried - but I always believe that a great friendship would definitely be in the offing because he is indeed worth to keep:-)

My US Holiday Trip Part 2

Auntie Lucing Home and her toys as in Cars

Sta Cruz Famous Beach Park

The Vast Safari of San Diego

Giraffe and the Oryx

Pimp My Ride - My Auntie Susan Convertible! Watta Ride!

Pier 39 and the Sea Lions

The San Diego Safari Park

The Fishermans Wharf

The Fastest Mammal on Earth

At the Sandiego Safari Park and Right behind me is the vast Safari Park

So right after we spent our NY holiday in Vegas, we drive down to NoCal - North California to see my aunties who I haven't meet for the longest time. And upon arrival what a  joy and fun seeing my two aunties waiting for us in there porch. In fact during the first night we stayed with them, we could not stop talking about our families and friends back home. It ended our conversation around  4 o'clock in the morning.

And on the very next day, my aunties drive us around town and guided us to one of their beautiful tourist spots in Santa Cruz California. We even went to local shops and groceries and bought some goods for  our lunch. After the next day, Another great conversation and laughter again with them. I've almost spent 3 days staying with my aunties. Indeed, This is one of my best trips abroad and one for the books I guess.

San Francisco, California and the Golden Gate - Another check on my bucket list! so after spending 3 days with my aunties - we went directly to SFO because it is just an hour or so drive from Santa Cruz. At exactly 9 am, we arrived in San Francisco. That is so early so we headed down to the Golden Gate to avoid the crowd. Good thing the sun was brightly up shining even if it is cold. We went up then to the bridge to feel and see what it is like there. OMG Such a tall and mighty San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge. The Bridge was purely made of steel. A kind of hanging bridge that I am sure can with stand natural calamities or earthquakes.

SFO Pier Wharf, The Lombard street and other Tourist Spots - Good thing in San Francisco, some major tourist spots are very close to each other. Like Pier 99 and the wharf are just neighbors and overlooking the Alcatraz but Lombard street is another way around - its situated in some steep hilly neighborhood.

Anyway, we took our lunch in Pier 99 and of course it was a seafood menu and the place is overlooking the sea lions at Pier 99. After lunch we went home straight to Los Angeles and it was a 7 hour land trip.

San Diego SAFARI - What a gigantic safari park! actually San Diego Safari before was just an animal facility caring for the health and welfare of animals. Then suddenly the idea to become a park zoo came into reality by a founder or owner of this Safari Park. What I love about this park was that all the animals here are free to roam with in the vicinity except if the kind of animal is harmful or threatening to human. I was thrilled to see a similar like in Kenya or South Africa; safari lawn where herds of animals are walking or relaxing under the shade of trees.

Hollywood Boulevard, Los Angeles -Prior to my departure going to Abu-Dhabi,   I happen to drop and stop by in this area where lots and lots of Hollywood shops and souvenirs abound. The famous walk of fame is all over here in hollywood boulevard. Beautiful and Historical Cinema theaters are lining up here like the chinese theater, The Eldorado Cinema, Egyptian theater etc. The Red Carpet or Oscars every february is being celebrated here. As in all anything but Hollywood is here you can find and experience.

And I went home by 11 pm as the cold was getting in my nerves and also I am excited to go home in Abu Dhabi the very next day.